Look at these wee unicorns:
They come in little boxes. All the boxes look the same, and you cannot see inside them. I don’t think this is fair. I told the clerk, “I don’t think this is fair.” He blinked and said, “Yeah….”
Because little mystery packages are for, like, small kids whose parents don’t mind shelling out money for their kids’ trading cards. Or for old people who still think Cracker Jacks are the thang.
But I’m a middle-aged girl! I need all of those wee unicorns!!! I don’t have time for MYSTERIES!! It’s killing me.
The wee unicorn company isn’t going to be making the wee unicorns by the time I collect enough money to collect them.
My family thinks this is a bizarre and uncharacteristic obsession. I tell them to look just look at the wee unicorns–how could one not want them?
I have three. It’s taken me a year to get three.
Two are the same.
So basically I have two.
And I gave the not same one away, Sergeant Rumble, because he looks camo and matches my niece’s camo purse like they were made for each other.
So basically I have one.
I’m going through a rough time here.